The A-Z of Leadership: Empathy

A lot has been written about empathy! The dictionary defintion is that «empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position». However we can’t actually know what’s it’s like to live in someone else’s reality! There’s a saying «Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.»

In leadership empathy, in my opinion, is all about caring (and showing you care) for your team members and the desire to do one’s best to see a situation from someone else’s viewpoint and to accept that they have a right to that viewpoint. It is not about sharing the viewpoint.

If you struggle to notice and relate to other people's feelings, there is some good news. Contrary to popular belief, research shows that empathy is a skill that can be learned and developed over time but I do believe that some basic form of an interest in others is the one prerequisite to good leadership but then again most people do have this trait.

«A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved» is a common proverb and the truth is that being able to share one's suffering and receive understanding makes the suffering more bearable and alleviates distress. It doesn’t actually provide a solution to the problem.

Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman break down the concept of empathy into three categories: Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. Cognitive empathy makes us better communicators, because it helps us relay information in a way that best reaches the other person. Emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy) is the ability to share the feelings of another person. Some have described it as "your pain in my heart." This type of empathy helps you build emotional connections with others. Compassionate empathy (also known as empathic concern) goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings: it actually moves us to take action, to help however we can.

I’ve adopted the motto «communicate with empathy and lead with compassion» here’s a link to an excellent article in HBR on the subject: Effective Leaders Move Beyond Empathy to Compassion (hbr.org)

Cheers, Nick